


i am coolkid

by sisstrider



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Gen, POV Second Person, no capitalization, this is like if dave strider was writing it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-22
Updated: 2014-04-22
Packaged: 2018-01-20 10:05:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1506515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sisstrider/pseuds/sisstrider
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>your name is DAVE STRIDER and holy shit it sucks major foam ass to be the only one left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i am coolkid

**Author's Note:**

> I love Dave Strider, I'd write about him all day if I could. So instead of shoehorning him into What Can't Be at every possible second I wrote a Dave-centric fanfic AND I'm going to keep shoehorning him into What Can't Be at every possible second. 
> 
> It's kinda rambly and hard to read, but...that's Dave for you I guess.

your name is DAVE STRIDER and holy shit you were technically right when you told terezi you werent a hero because youre not just a hero youre THE hero. youre the big man on the incipisphere block and oh SHIT a voice in your head that sounds a lot like rose tells you that youre only the big man because everyone else is dead. you cant just lie there and take a low blow from your fucking sister so you tell her for fucks sake to leave you alone and go psychoanalyze some freaky hentai monsters in the dream bubbles some more. cause thats whats in the furthest ring. you remember from those meteor shenanigans holy shit was that really that long ago? last thing you remember is stepping off that meteor and into the land of everyones dead but dave.

god DAMN but arent you the worst guy to be last man standing though cause that green dude on steroids is a time guy just like you. your powers cant do shit to him probably. hell probably pick up all the daves you send at him and do a motherfucking chaos dunk all up in this bitch and everyone would die if there were even people around to be killed by the chaos dunk. man it would be cool if you werent fighting the hulks freaky mutated cousin who was a pimp or something. maybe you guys could learn to work together and make the raddest two-man basketball team this side of skaia but that idea sucks and you suck for thinking of it. what do you think it is one of johns shitty movies? a voice in your head that sounds a lot like john complains cause you called those movies shitty but you ignore it. something like that doesnt even DESERVE a scathing retort from you its so wrong. a voice in your head that sounds a lot like jake says that hed watch a movie about you and lord english tearing up the court. hahaha oh man hed probably jump up onto the tv and press his face against the screen like hella jeff did in that one comic you made dude would be that excited about movies. holy shit you just remembered sweet bro and hella jeff how long has it been since you last updated? you dont know but you better get on it now because how the hell is anyone supposed to live when sweet bro and hella jeffs shenanigans arent being documented on the internet for all to ogle at and say "man those guys are douchebags."

oh wait everyones dead.

death means exactly jack shit though cause whenever you go to sleep everyone piles on you and tells you how to kick lord englishs ass or asks hows it like being the only one whos still alive or even chews your ass out for being the only guy alive. vriska really wanted to be the last man standing and ever time she sees you she goes on about

THAT SHOULD 8E MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

or whatever and you always think shes gonna bust out singing. seeing a gray spider alien chick start singing justin bieber out of nowhere would be absolutely fucking incredible. it would totally make your fucking day if days are still things. terezi always tries to defend you probably cause she wants an excuse to kick vriskas ass and then they get in a hugeass argument that like every troll wants in on. everything turns into a huge yelling orgy and damn this would actually be funny if you werent caught in the middle of it.

angry troll shit aint nothing compared to all the other kids holy shit the other kids are worse. they actually believe in you and think youre a tough motherfucker because you survived while everyone else died when youre really just a lucky little shit. whenever you come across them in a bubble they always cheer you on and do motivational bullshit and suggest ways to defeat lord english. the worst offender is your bro or dad or whatever dirk. he legit thinks that you can do anything if you try like youre some badass director dude who slices juggalos in half and then ollies out on an incredibly shitty skateboard and while that would be kick fucking ass youll never actually be that guy. the first time dirk told you about that guy you were totally into it because who isnt hyped as fuck to learn that theyre a total badass in another universe. a total badass who got skewered by his own sword in the end but whatever. dirks bro. badass. thats really all there is to say on the matter. now thinking of that guy makes you sad because if only you could be half as badass as him maybe youd stand a fucking chance against lord english. then again dirks bro got his ass handed to him by lord english fishlady servant. dirk still thinks you can do it though so you think hes totally got it all wrong about you its like he doesnt know you at all. 

you try to avoid sleeping as much as you can which is easy cause a guy who cant really die except for specific scenarios doesnt actually need to sleep or anything.

this sitch is getting depressing fast though. youve never actually seen lord english show up or anything to start fucking shit up. hes chilling in the furthest ring waiting for you to make a fool of yourself like an asshole in red pajamas or something. he isnt even fucking up horrorterrors or dream bubbles too now which is just fucking weird. its probably to psych you out though and its working you cant just shit around in this empty medium for eternity at some point youre gonna start screaming. you know where the entire goddamn booze stash is but theres no way in hell youre touching that shit not after it almost ruined your sisters life. yeah no thanks youre fine where youre at with your apple juice. speaking of which you found a thing in janes house that lets you turn shit into grist so you just go around chucking every smuppet you can into it from your house and dirks house and turning them into grist which you use to alchemize up some fucking fresh apple juice. its fucking beautiful thats what it is. dirk would fucking cry if he knew what was going on.

Hey, where's Dave? We haven't seen him in a while, have we?

Perhaps he's out fighting Lord English already. He can't exactly fall asleep in battle, anyway.

wow, you really think so? come on dave you can do it!

go dave!!!! kick his ass for us!!!

Dave im sure you can give that guy the tussle of his life!

u got this davey make ur ectomom proud

Come on, Bro. We're all counting on you.

god DAMN IT you can hear them in your head now why wont they go away. you didnt need the reminder that there are actual people you care about waiting for you to grow a pair of balls fly out into the furthest ring and aggro lord english. especially when they think youre out fighting him or whatever when youre really just trying to avoid them. by the way that thing about you being the hero or hell even a hero was all bullshit. youre no hero you cant even work up the courage to go fight the guy who killed all your friends and like everyone else who ever lived. well you know that if you go fight him hes gonna trash you in like 2.5 nanoseconds and then once youre dead hes gonna obliterate your consciousness or something and also everything else in reality and then its gonna be just him. and then youd be a hugeass failure and everyone would finally see how much you suck. even jade who thinks youre genuinely cool. a voice in your head that sounds a lot like jade says of course youre cool but you just ignore her. you really gotta stop hearing ghosts holy shit someone should call the ghostbusters for your brain. a voice in your head that sounds a lot like john starts to say something but you drown it out by blasting sick beats as loud as you can. its not like anyone else is alive to be pissed at you for playing your music too loud. score one for you.

sometimes you just want to die so you can go chill with everyone in some big shitty afterlife frat party god damn youd be up for that youd even turn your cape into a shitty toga. but actually you cant rest until you get to fighting lord english and then you can triumph over him and see if winning the game does anything or maybe youll just die and then you can start the big shitty afterlife frat party. theres no way in hell you want to start the fight though hell no if lord english wants to go fuck you up he can just get off his ass and do it himself. sometimes you pick up your sword and look off into the sky though and see if you can spot any gaudy flashing pool ball bullshit. it never happens so you suspect that at this point youre just fucking around.

your name is DAVE STRIDER and holy shit it sucks major foam ass to be the only one left. 


End file.
